Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Percocets, Cigarettes, Naked Eyes, and Me
Okay this post will be the first one pertaining to my actual thoughts.
At this moment I am fighting off the urge to take pain pills. Now for my closest of friends it is no surprise that I have recently had a back condition, ultimately leading to back surgery, which is going on two weeks ago. They prescribed me Percocets while I had the back pain, all the while explaining to me that it was a Narcotic pain killer. That never really seemed to click in my head until recently. Basically it means that there is a withdrawal process that follows after you're all done taking the medication. Now for all my crack addicted friends, who have reformed themselves from their addiction, you know that withdrawal is a painful thing to go through. In my case it's not as much painful as it is just annoying, you feel anxious and trapped. It doesn't help that there is a few feet of fresh snow on the ground, my car is covered, and I have nowhere to go. Basically...i've been chewing a lot of gum, and smoking a hell of a lot more. In the past few weeks a few things going through my mind, let's just say dwelling on the past, have led me to enter a small state of depression. Aaaand let's also just say I have not been in physcial pain since the surgery, but for some dumbass reason, my mind decided it's bored enough to fuck with me emotionally, and to add to the equation, percocets make you feel good. Do the math.
For all my dearest friends, have no worries, I'm working on it. I'll quote my fourth grade teacher "Thomas has too much potential to fuck up his life with drugs"
Okay she didn't really say that, but it's something I and many believe.
Another addiction I am fighting, which as I said before is helping me fight of the urge to perc it up, is smoking. It really is a gross habit, and I am not too fond of it. I will say that these two addictions have helped a little, in that, when you combine mass doses of percocets and chain smoking, you virtually have no appetite, so I've dropped some pounds. But until I fight off the narcotic demon known as percocets, I'm stuck with the good ole' tobacca' sticks ( I know i spelled it wrong) BUT I am determined to quit
Something vague that I've wanted to get out for a while:
Define bad luck... the story of my life circa August '08 to January '09
1. Buy a nice car with money I HAVE because of the many hours I put in at my job
2.Celebrate my three year anniversary
3.Lose my job
4.Girlfriend dumps me
5.The day following the break up, I move to her city, not because I'm a stalker, because It was a plan set in motion months prior
6.Injure my back slightly
7.Find a new job!
8.Majorly injure my back after ONE day of working at new job
9.Can't work OTHER job either because of back
10. Back surgery Jan. 15th 2009
Random thoughts:
the dumbest things will remind you of something you wish to forget
Example :
chewing gum (the scent, remisincent of someone i used to know who chewed the same kind, why i bought it? My masochistic ways present themselves I guess)
Also, you're mind does tend you play tricks on you, but in my case, it's kicking my ass
There is no fucking possible way that out of the 12 to 15 regular channels on TV I watch, that every fucking one could have something to remind me.
Oh shit, now I have that 80s song stuck in my head.
At this moment I am fighting off the urge to take pain pills. Now for my closest of friends it is no surprise that I have recently had a back condition, ultimately leading to back surgery, which is going on two weeks ago. They prescribed me Percocets while I had the back pain, all the while explaining to me that it was a Narcotic pain killer. That never really seemed to click in my head until recently. Basically it means that there is a withdrawal process that follows after you're all done taking the medication. Now for all my crack addicted friends, who have reformed themselves from their addiction, you know that withdrawal is a painful thing to go through. In my case it's not as much painful as it is just annoying, you feel anxious and trapped. It doesn't help that there is a few feet of fresh snow on the ground, my car is covered, and I have nowhere to go. Basically...i've been chewing a lot of gum, and smoking a hell of a lot more. In the past few weeks a few things going through my mind, let's just say dwelling on the past, have led me to enter a small state of depression. Aaaand let's also just say I have not been in physcial pain since the surgery, but for some dumbass reason, my mind decided it's bored enough to fuck with me emotionally, and to add to the equation, percocets make you feel good. Do the math.
For all my dearest friends, have no worries, I'm working on it. I'll quote my fourth grade teacher "Thomas has too much potential to fuck up his life with drugs"
Okay she didn't really say that, but it's something I and many believe.
Another addiction I am fighting, which as I said before is helping me fight of the urge to perc it up, is smoking. It really is a gross habit, and I am not too fond of it. I will say that these two addictions have helped a little, in that, when you combine mass doses of percocets and chain smoking, you virtually have no appetite, so I've dropped some pounds. But until I fight off the narcotic demon known as percocets, I'm stuck with the good ole' tobacca' sticks ( I know i spelled it wrong) BUT I am determined to quit
Something vague that I've wanted to get out for a while:
Define bad luck... the story of my life circa August '08 to January '09
1. Buy a nice car with money I HAVE because of the many hours I put in at my job
2.Celebrate my three year anniversary
3.Lose my job
4.Girlfriend dumps me
5.The day following the break up, I move to her city, not because I'm a stalker, because It was a plan set in motion months prior
6.Injure my back slightly
7.Find a new job!
8.Majorly injure my back after ONE day of working at new job
9.Can't work OTHER job either because of back
10. Back surgery Jan. 15th 2009
Random thoughts:
the dumbest things will remind you of something you wish to forget
Example :
chewing gum (the scent, remisincent of someone i used to know who chewed the same kind, why i bought it? My masochistic ways present themselves I guess)
Also, you're mind does tend you play tricks on you, but in my case, it's kicking my ass
There is no fucking possible way that out of the 12 to 15 regular channels on TV I watch, that every fucking one could have something to remind me.
Oh shit, now I have that 80s song stuck in my head.
The First of Many.... Just Like You
Playing right now is Constant Static by New Found Glory from my Myspace page, I can also hear King of Queens on in the other room. Blogs aren't a new concept for me, but actually utilizing one is. It's a little overwhelming, because you're mind is constantly racing with thoughts that you need to get out, that you want to convey to the world! But on the contrary it's also frustrating, because a good percentage of the time it won't come out, be it because you don't actually WANT to share you're thoughts, or because you are having a moment of mental block. Well mine is the latter, I know I have a lot on my mind that I wish to share, but it's tough to get it all out now, so I guess this will have to be a gradual process. So if you so choose to read, than you will slowly hear about my thoughts as the posts go on. Be intrigued......I implore you, I beseech you, I give you, "The Introspection of Tom".
I hear my phone going off right now in the other room, the good thing about that is I know it's not a creditor, because all of that shit is paid up, so I wonder who it could be. I'm going to go check it out.
I hear my phone going off right now in the other room, the good thing about that is I know it's not a creditor, because all of that shit is paid up, so I wonder who it could be. I'm going to go check it out.
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